Jake McAuliffe's Bastard Children



Although Jacob McAuliffe is well know for his popular AP History Series, along with films such as Detention and the Jake and Eric movies, there are many films that he does not want you to know about. These movies are some of the poorest examples of film making on earth. Most of them cannot be found on Jake's youtube page due to their poor quality shame. Many of these movies follow the "Standard Jake McAuliffe Movie Guidelines."

King of the Lava: One of Jake's first films. The movie was a live action film made with his friends Dan Kaiser and Andrew Kaiser. This one is up to debate though as to whether it should be included here- the film was made when Jake was only eight years old. It was pretty good for a third grade movie, but awful in retrospect.

Arch Angel: Loosely based on the kids spy novel of the same name, this movie stands out from the rest. It feature Jake standing on a surfboard, and not going anywhere. Just hanging around in a few inches of water on the side of a lake.

Blast Off: This is a movie so bad that Jake himself described it as "the real bastard child" the movie consisted only of stock footage, subtitles, and explosion effects. Think about that for a second. Only using stock footage.

The Dimming: An extremely ambitious project that was doomed for failure. The idea had been to spoof the classic movie "The Shining" using his family and friends. This movie was a flop due mostly to Jacob's brother, Patrick. His voice was totally incomprehensable, reducing the entire movie to garbled misunderstandings, as well as ruining Patrick's acting career (although he did have a small role in Jake and Eric in: The Death Machine . Clearly, better actors would have reduced the production time drastically also. The movie took so long to film that in one infamous scene Eric Newton's hair had grown several inches between shots. However, it is rumored that a sequel was written and is in preproduction, much to the horror of Pat McAuliffe himself Ian Sager everybody in the world. However, this film remains a favorite among his fans, especially Lauren Haskell and Kim Ludwin.

The Arab Witch Project: The Arab witch project is the flaming pile of shit that is always hanging overJake McAuliffe's head. Despite any future success, he will always be haunted by the memory of this gigantic failure. There was no plot to speak of, only several actors running around in the woods. The same footage of them running over a bridge was used repeatedly in order to take up more time. This movie has no redeeeming qualities. It is a matter of personal opinion [being everyone in the world] that this film should be destroyed immediately. Keanu Reeves could make a better movie if he tried directing it himself and starring in all of the roles except for lead actress, which would be played by Eddie Murphy in drag. Nonetheless, it is availible to view on the official Chaos Productions Youtube. It should also be noted that this movie follows the Standard Jake McAuliffe Movie Guidelines